this is me...

i am so aggrivated, what do you do when your two "supposed" best friends arent speaking to you, except when NESSESARY...a new found friend, says you dont deserve what you are getting, it hurts to hear such aweful things from people you have come to trust and care for, i am not going to be what they think i will, i am more than that, i've never proven their accusations truthful in the past, but they are speading the propaganda now, i want to put my heart and soul on the line and make this better, but i have to have the help from my fellow "friends", i just wish they could have faith, they've done what they are saying i will do, but i still trust and had faith in them, and now i here this, they put on fake smilies to my face, and then say hurtful and cruel comments behind my back, they act like they dont care, you'd think that my TWO "supposed" best friends could see above all that i have been working my butt off to get where i am and it is time to get the rewards of that labor, i wish they could be happy for me, and have faith that i will make the right desions and i wont live up to this horrible person they are making me out to be, i want them to accept that, accept me, i did it for them, i have a right to be happy, and i am so mad that they are making ME feel guilty, why...why am i guilty, why am i at fault, you are not granted positions that you have not earned and i have earned mine, i wish they could see that... i dont want to loose friends over this, but that isnt my choice, because i WILL NOT give up something that i have worked for, deserve, and have been granted just so they can be happy, that isnt fair, not at all....

well i have vented now i feel a little better...i the two whom this was mostly directed actually bother to read this...i hope they can see that the loss of our friendship is on their shoulders not mine, because i tried to make it work now it is their turn to apologize for the hurtful slander....

love you all me
ps i miss you sean, i wish things werent so busy, i love you always and forever (xoxoxo)