this is me...

eeeekkkk.....its HALLOWEEN... today i have a stupid parade then i got home help mama with these baby blankets for the babyshower...then i get to come to my hunny's house for TRICK OR TREAT....hehe....hmmm....ok i gotta go work on some stuff...ttyl...
love you all -me-

ps I LOVE YOU SEAN....PSSS have a happy HALLOWEEN

I AM BORED.....i think i am the only one in my web class that actually did any work this week cuz our teacher was gone....grrr...o well.. hope he collects it for a huge grade...today i get to go see my hunny...hehe....then i have MUN ehich i think i am actually excited about becuz i actually have TONS of research....but yea...what else....hmmmm.... HALLOWEEN is tomarrow...i dont know what i am doing....o yeah guesss what...FINDING NEMO comes out TUESDAY...i cant wait...yeah...
ok i g2g....ttyl
love you all -me-

ps...i love you sean...ALWAYS...xoxox

hehehe.....today was a great day....we had dinner then he had me pikc out a ring....its a "promise" ring....its so so so pretty...its white gold and a 1/4 carrot diamond....small but i love it...it comes back sunday from sizing....yeah...woowhoo...ok i g2g...do work....ttyl
love you all me...

ps thank you hunny...muah...no you are in "deep"...lol...haha...jkjk...ttyl...love you xoxox

whoooooooooohhhhhh.......EIGHT MONTHS....i love you...i know its eight months but i dont care its still great we still going strong after all hte good and the bad....yeahh....


I cross my heart
ur love is unconditional
We knew it from the start
I can see it in your eyes
You can feel it from my heart>From here on after
Let's stay the way we are right now
And share all the love and laughter
That a lifetime will allow

Chorus:
I cross my heart
And promise to
Give all I've got to give
To make all your dreams come true
In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

You will always be the miracle
That makes my life complete
And as long as there's still breath in me
I'll make yours just as sweet
As we look into the future
It's as far as we can see
So let's make each tomorrow
Be the best that it can be

Chorus

And if along the way we find a day
It starts to pour
You've got the promise of my love
To keep you warm

love you all -me-

ps...but most importantly YOU....xoxoxoxoxo

hello...it was a long "sleep catching" weekend which was great....that thing i tried friday didnt work...it was "blinking text" but it ok...we had a great weekend....and TOMARROW will be EIGHT MONTHS i am so excited...i know its just 8 but i still think its great....hahaha that rthymed....but seriously....hmmm...what else...thngs are slowly getting better....this whole week is a "half-day" week because of proficiency testing...finally a break...we all need it...HALLOWEEN is this week...i dont like Halloween but it'll be ok...whatever !!.... kk ttyl...
love you all -me-

ps i love you with all my HEART (xoxo) EIGHT MONTHS....yeah... go US!!!

hey i wanna try this new html code... i am busy in web design talk to ya later

ps I LOVE YOU HUNNY

hello....today is a better day....i have had an awakening....ok yea....thing will get better....or else.... lol...ok yea i have a lot of work to do in web page...so i cant talk....ttyl...
love you all -me-
ps i love you hunny...i am doing better...thanks...muah...(xoxo)!!

yuk.....grrr....i feel like crap... i need rest but i dont have time for it...grrr....i also and sick and i dont knoe why so i am going to the doctor....blah....yesterday....me and my hunny....{sigh}...we are arguing cuz i am always mopey and i havent been truely happy in about a month....that isnt good...i say stupid things and do studpid things and its all because of some need to be cared about i dunno why....thats what it comes down to...i want attention form people that dont matter....i take on other peoples problems when i need to fix my own...i spend too much time hiding from my issues instead of trying to make it better.....its my fault....if i am gonna be upset then i either need to fix it or get over it...right??....why is this so freaken hard...the problem individually arent that big of a deal....but all stacked up together they are nightmares....WEll one giant nightmare....grrrrrrr....and because i have spent so much time self-involved....(but not in a good way)....i hurt my johnny...i tried to put off my problems to him...i didnt mean to do what i did...i was just trying to bounce ideas....but that isnt what ended up happening....i ended up making him miserable because i was miserable....and for that i am TRUELY TRUELY sorry....i understand why you dont wanna hear it anymore...and i respect that....but please forgive me for my mistake... i am finding ways to make myself better....and i wont make you miserable anymore just because i might be.... its not fair... SORRY...
love you -me-

ps xoxo....again (no response necessary - no need to justify the already known)

hello...i did it...i didnt pass out this time...but it did hurt really bad...the girl put the needle in a little too far and it hurt...but i still stuck it out...i teared a little...but whatever...this weekend was good i guess....my hunny and i finally figured out why we have been fighting so much....it just that he is the only thing in my life that i can control somewhat and i know that i am the only thing that he can effect in his life....it is a mutual thing....it just took a lotta arguing and crying to realize it...but we know it now so we wont be arguing too much...i helped him "get better" as he says and now he is going to help me... that will be good for the bothof us...we know that we are still together for a reason to we are gonna work on each other for the betterment of the future "us"...okay well g2g ttyl...
love you all -me-

ps hunny i love you (xoxo)...thanks for understanding...it makes a world of difference!!!

hey...i am scared.....i have to donate BLOOD in a few minutes....i went to breakfast this morning but only brit, sean, and me went cuz jenelle and eddairis couldnt go...it was to early or something....now i am worried....i'll be ok though....grrr...Wish me luck!

ok i g2g...
love you all -me-

ps i love you sean....(xoxo)

i slept on it... i will be fine...he is right...i can handle it...i just have to prioritize and work on what works for me... i also have to work on not letting other peoples problems weigh me down... like i can be there but they arent my problems and i dont need to stress about that kind of stuff....yea...ok i am bored now... i have mun today... blah .... i dont really wanna go but i gotta... we have to bundle all 500+ carnations.... doesnt that sound fun...grrrr.... i'll live but i am not stayng longer than necessary... my mama comes home today {well tonight}... good thing i am going nuts... tomarrow i donate blood during this class so i wont be blogging...o well....at least i get cookies and juice yum!... and tomarrow morning sean, brit, eddairis, jenelle, and me are all going to go to denny's to eat so that when we donate we wont pass out...lol...or get too nauseous ..lol..ok....yea i guess i'll go..ttyl...
love you all -me-

ps i love you sean...(xoxo)...always and forever...till the sun doesnt rise in the morning, and it no longer sets at night..

(dorky i know...lol...get over it)

hey...i talked to him....it helped...his advise...."jen you are one of the strongest and most capable people i have ever met" "you willl get thru this, its just part of growing up" "take small steps" "solve one small problem at a time"..."take baby steps if you have to"..."what you do all the activities and such...make you who you are...and because of those you are a better person wheither you know it or not" but ALWAYS remember that "i love you"...i felt somewhat better....i think i already knew most of that but i just needed to hear it from him...the person i lean on...and the one who always tells me the truth...even when it hurts...i know he isnt just saying that to make me feel better....he actually means it...which it a major PLUS...ok i g2g to bed...
nighty night..

luv you all -me-

ps...thanks hunny....if it wasnt for you i would be a basket case... i love you...remember i am here for you too...goodnight... "i'll see you in the mornin" ...remember that?(smile)

thank goodness....if it wasnt for him and his company i would go nuts...{sigh}.... to my relief i can spend quiet moments with him...it helps more than anyone could ever or would ever understand.... {quiet}... silence is good...i wish i could live in silence...with the added calm of rock music...lol... o well ttyl...
love you all -me-

ps thanks hunny...i needed our quiet time...i love you always and forever...(xoxo)

i almost forgot....here is a song for thought...it seems to fit everything...well almost...me and him we are FOREVER...and thats it...
Simple Plan- "Perfect"

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
but it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you, proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect


Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect


thats all from...have a great day...for me...cuz i'm not have one...

again i start off with grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I hate everything....why does all chaos have to happen at the same time...bad stuff always has to happen in group....WHY....when it is almost impossible to handle that way...and the one person i need to lean on... i can't lean too hard because he has his own set of chaotic problems....he is there but i feel self-centered if i lean on him cuz his problems are harder than mine...but still...

{sigh}

Did you ever just wish that you could click you fingers and just grow up....and start life where you dont have to put up with this adolescent crap...its like i know i will graduate and i know i will go to college and graduate and i know i will start life...so why cant i just hit the "fast-foward" button and be done with the chaos....its not the difficulties that bother me....i dont like that there is no set way that things are supposed to go....like this week...i feel like from day to day i'm not sure exactly where i am supposed to be and who is supposed to be with me and when i am going to get homework in and....then you have the extracricular stuff....MUN...{lets not go there}....and web stuff....and then the ONE thing that I want to do...and the ONE person i WANT to see....I can't....he cant come see me...so i have to make the effort to see him...which i dont mind....not in the slightest bit...but its just not as easy as going to see him....i have to have means to get there and back....and then I NEED JOB...so i can have money so i can do stuff.... so i can be a normal TEENAGER.... normal that just isnt a word to decribe me... i will never be normal... i like that but i hate that....

{sigh} {o well}

i want to go take a nap...i just wanna lay in his arms...so we can leave our troubles behind even if it is only for a few precious moments...then i could preserve those precious moments in my mind for a so called "happy place"..yea...{sigh}....thats what i need...a...happy...place....it needs to be quiet and calm...and most importantly he has to be there....i know it seems like i am obsessed...i'm not...this is a stressful time....i need someone to trust and lean on 100%....and i am already there 100% for him....so its mutual....grrrrrrrrrrrr.....{tear falls down my cheek}....i need rest...i wont get that for a week and a half....I need quiet....i need a hug...{tear}....yea a hug....a sincere hug....not a "i feel sry for you hug"....but a "i know what you are going through...i'm here" hug....i need it so bad....it hurts....

I think i could rant for an hour...but i dont want to bore you...so i'll go now...

ps i love you SEAN....with all my heart and soul...and i know that even though we arent together as much as you and i want....that you are still with me and i with you....wherever we go...whatever we do..."to us"

love you all -me-

I AM GOING TO GO CRAZY.......i have so much work to do....this new web design club thingy....i am in charge of all the clubs and activies....there are more than i thought....i gotta find all the leaders of those and get the schedules and the roster...and keep the events updated.....its alotta work...but i wanna do it so...i have to take what little time left i have and do something constructive...great....more craziness.....o well....lalalalala.....i am bored....i miss my HUNNY....{sigh}....i'll live but i hate seeing all these cute couples and i dont have my hunny to walk me to class and stuff...it sucks....{insert HUGE PUPPY EYE POUT}...

ok ttyl...
love ya all... -me-

hello...yeah i'm bored...thought i say hello...so i dont think there is anything new...the week has been crazy and its still not over...my mom is still in Delaware...her friend past away so they are planning the funeral..it so sad...she was such a sweet lady...ok well i am gonna go....
ps i love you hunny...sorry i can't see you as much as we want...i miss you so much...muah...-me- xoxoxoxo

good morning....no school....yeah....hmmm....now i am bored....but thats ok....i wanna insert a pic but i'm not sure how so i am gonna work on it...it was the bubbles fish from finding nemo....he is so so cute...lol.....but i can't blog him unless he is on another site first...o well...i'll work on that another day...ok i gotta go do something constructive....grrrr...buh bye for now

i would like to start off by saying grrr grrr grrr grrr grrr....i hate being 16 it sucks so much it is rediculous....i have no control over my life....i want the control....i deserve the control...why is that so hard for everyone to get...i am not the kind of person who would go crazy with this so called control...i just want to be able to use MY reasonable judgement in making decisions in my OWN life....why is that so freaken much to ask i dont get it....grrr grrr grrr grrr....ok {breath}....i got another thought....why is it teens who get good grades and do as their parents ask always end up not having a car....ok and teens who get horrible grades and disobey their parents ALL the time..... get a brand spanking new car...how does that balance out....ok...i'm not saying just because i am 16 i should have a car...and i know me and my family are working on it...but i am just frustrated that some people dont have to work to get stuff.....but, the more i think about how much it aggrivates me....i realize i will probably be a better person for having to work for it....but it still presently sucks....i wish i had a car so i could go where i wanted to go when i planned to go there instead of working out other peoples schdueles to do so...you know what i mean....grrr grrr grrr grrr....ok i am starting to feel better....my head hurts....i gotta go....
talk to ya later...love you all.... -me-
Ps....i love you hunny....and I WILL make time for you always....no matter how hard i have to work to get there....you are one of the most important factors of my life....(xoxo)

Homecoming was good i guess....just a few minor mis-habs....but it was a delightful evening and my dress was beautiful....and sean got me a rose i love roses ....um this week i wont be blogging much cuz i have the web design project due....insert roll of eyes here....yea its gonna be a crazy week but i live through it...grrr....now i have MODEL un twice a week great....that'll be fun....tuesdays are research and new-bie "training" if you will....ebs and i are in charge of that....
Other than that i miss my hunny like always....i wish i could get everything done and spend every second with him...that would be GREAT....but i do spend as much time as humanly possible....
ok i g2g....love you all

model un went down the tubes....grrrr....the conversation that i had with those people didnt go very well...but i just dont care....i'll do what i wanna do and do my best to help out but i have to work on showing our "leader" that the angel he thinks she is isnt what she appears to be....so anyway now there are two meeting a week tuesdays are research from now till forever......and web design club is also gonna be on thursdays.....so i need to try and get out of Band....but that shouldnt be too hard since i know whats going on unlike others....grrrr....o well....now that you are up to speed i gotta jet....sorry about the pun....lol
-me-

o my gosh....all i have to say is FRENCH MAID OUTFIT...> DUANE.....omg it was the most disterbing thing i have ever seen....ok well now i have to go "chart" my web design project...ttyl...love you alll...UN tonight....will be crazy....4 people in a room discussing a problem that a certain person is denying actualy exsists...grrr...o well i tel you about it tomarrow.... -me-
ps hunny no worries...i'm here for you...thick and thin....rain or shine....always and forever..

this sounds yummy so i had to add this...


Under Water Taste Treats---Shark Punch
This refreshing drink has a surprise “bite” lurking just beneath the surface! A day before the party, make shark
ice cubes by freezing bite-sized gummy shark candy in ice cube trays filled with water. Let the trays stand at
room temperature for an hour to remove the air bubbles before placing them in the freezer. The candy will dissolve
slightly while freezing, tinting the cubes a soft pastel color.

Then, prepare blue drink mix according to package instructions (Kool-Aid® works well). Pour the blue drink
into a punch bowl and add 2 liters of ginger ale. When serving, place two or three shark cubes in a tall, clear
glass for each child and fill with punch!

Under the Sea Treat
Each guest will get to eat their own personal aquarium !
Pour blue jello into clear plastic cups and partially chill.
When the jello is slightly thickened add a Gummi shark, fish and a few pieces of fruit by the foot or fruit leather (seaweed). Continue to chill until firm.
Before serving, top with a wave shaped whipped cream swirl.


doesnt is seem yummy....hmmm...now i'm hungry...lol... i love finding nemo it makes me happy....hehe....okay bye again -me-

hey...ok ay homecoming stuff is finally getting settled we know where we are eating and when...we know what we are doing after...except i need to figure out who all is coming with us....BUT something very important is not settled...i dont know what i am going to to do with my hair...i want something different from he last two dances but at the same time i want is to have a similar effect....i so dont know what that is....and i am getting frustrated....so i gotta look up ideas....grrrr and AGAIN Model UN is crazy...grrrr....ok well i gotta go i did my update for today...lol
love you all -me-
here is a thought:
"Isn't it funny how the word politics is made up of the words "poli" meaning many in latin, and "tics" as in blood sucking creatures." (think about it)